That lovely thing called I.

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This is my preface and disclaimer: If you don't like egregious use of the noun "I", "me", or hearing me blab on about myself and my feelings for the next several paragraphs of text, just scroll down to the bottom and I have a convenient summary for you. If you want to hear me rant and use your fangs to suck on every piece of succulent meat this blog post provides, continue on normally

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As my title implies, I have been doing a lot of reflection and I guess philosophizing and most of it has to do with me. Now as most of you know, I have been (technically) 100% single throughout my high school career, and until just recently it hasn't necessarily bothered me, but there was always that side-quest of kind of getting a real relationship or "finding" that little Holy Grail known as love. Well, I have been doing a whole lot of reflection and have come to several conclusions, which I will title "That lovely thing called I." This title is exceedingly ironic, lololol.

My first conclusion deals with the opposite gender, tea-- oh I mean females. After really thinking and really paying attention, I think that the fact that girls are ultimately teases has finally repulsed me past a certain point. As my friend John Travolta, or Vincent Vega once said, "I'm a race car in the red. And all I'm saying is that it's dangerous to have a race car in the red." Now I'm not saying I'm some sort of Ricky Bobby asshole, but the point is-- I hope-- received. Somewhere in the past two months I have gotten past really wanting a girlfriend, or really to hook up with girls at all. Now this is not to say I'm about to start hitting on dudes, or am gay. I have just been pushed to the point where the risk versus reward with the female chase is not worth it. I can have just as much fun anywhere being by myself or in a group of people, and when I picture both of these scenarios I no longer see a girl, I just see, well, me.

I would like to expound further on my feelings on females. You people are great, and I love you. But your gender has managed to in fact douse my romantic fire. Now I'm not going to go and call a Crusade, alls I'm saying is that the teaseyness ingrained into your system has just really butchered my feelings for you. The fact that I went through three years of just being like "Wtf?" about girls I like, and now having realized why, is sad to me. I won't claim to have you all figured out, but let's be honest here, you tease guys and you love it when they chase after you. For some of you I'm pretty fucking sure it's what drives you to wake up in the morning, but for others you likely do it innocently or inadvertently. For me, it's just no longer worth bothering to find out whether or not you are affectionate, whether you are mature enough to handle some of my habits, and whether you are the type of girl I am looking for. Not like it really mattered anyways, you were probably just out to tease me in the first place so you probably weren't planning on a relationship.

I will add a disclaimer onto this also: This does not mean I will refuse to go at a girl, but let's be honest here, if she's not throwing herself at me and personally stating it to me, I'm not going to bother noticing the shit you do any more. Like I said, if you'd like to reduce my risk and increase my reward, then you go right on ahead.

My next conclusion is that I think I am going to accept the title of bachelor and just roll with the punches, see where it gets me. Relationships are too arduous these days to really even make me want to deal with them. Unfortunately, I am not the kind of person who enjoys.. like.. doing things. If something gets fucked up in a relationship, my apathy takes over and I like to let the problem fix itself rather than fix it myself. This has already been demonstrated, and it ended up not working out. Well, if all my energy wasn't dedicated towards a single thing (school, work) then maybe I would feel up to the task. Honestly though, I won't get into my feelings about fighting in relationships (tomorrow is not promised to anybody, lol.) but people do love drama, and some of us who have bad luck with relationships in the first place really don't love it.

Okay, that's all for now. Thanks for tuning in folks, hate to make you wait so long for these but really, Grignon's is actually interesting, mine is just kind of discourses and shit. I feel like a professor or something, and that's not a compliment towards myself.

Adios.

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Paragraph 1: this is about me
Paragraph 2: Rawr girls suck
Paragraph 3: Rawr girls suck (pt. 2)
Paragraph 4: Lol, if you want it come and take it
Paragraph 5: Bachelor and loving it.

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